Sunday, 6 May 2018

Good night🌙

Since I've been a child, I've always adored the night. It's like a mythical figure - beautiful, magical and yet it scares me. I love looking out of the window and watching the night sky that is filled with thousands of stars and the bright moon. It makes me think of how big the universe is and that there is so much we haven't seen yet and will never see. The darkness of the night, however, scares me. As someone who believes in ghosts and paranormal activities, I feel like I'm at the mercy of all these creatures once the light is gone.

Once it's getting darker, my thoughts are getting deeper, too. That's also the reason why I usually write this blog at night. There are so many thoughts in my head that need to be vocalised (or at least written down). Probably everybody knows that feeling when you're lying in your bed, wanting to sleep and not being able to because thoughts are keeping you awake.

Sometimes, I catch myself thinking about people I've left behind or regret some choices I made in my life. I think about my future, my dreams, things I want to change - what I want to achieve in my life. Strangely enough, all these thoughts disappear the next morning and they will only return at night again. It seems to be a known phenomenon that people are different at night, more honest. I wonder why that's the case but the saying might be true - the heavier the eyelids, the sincere the words. Sometimes, I wonder if we have two personalities - the daytime and nighttime "me" and which one of them is our true self.

Unfortunately, most of these nightly thoughts end up in sad conclusions. I've been thinking a lot about people I used to know and what they might be up to today. Sometimes, I don't even know how I lost contact with them, which is even worse. I wonder if they think of me too or if I've been forgotten and became a ghost of the past for them. It's frustrating as I'm probably never going to see them again. Isn't it weird how people you were so close with become strangers, or even a construct of memories?

Thinking about the past is wonderful and yet painful at the same time. Did you ever experience something so perfectly, you would give everything to live that moment again?
No matter if it's watching your favourite movie for the first time or any other special moment in your life. You will always cherish the memories in your heart but it's never going to be the same again.

I wonder why but most nights, I have the sudden desire to travel. I want to see Japan, the USA, Canada, more of France, the Netherlands, the UK - all these places that are so far away from me. Even though I'm really happy with my current job, I still haven't given up on my dream of working for Disney and living in Paris at some point in my life. I want to see the world and be part of something bigger. I want so much more than this provincial life.

Is it just me or is it normal that your taste in music changes at night? While I love listening to all kind of music during the day, I only listen to relaxing, slow music at night, preferably without singing or only smooth singing. The TV channel Deluxe Music has a program named "Nightflight" which I love listening to. Other music I love at night are the relaxing Pokémon game mixes. Every time I start listening to them, the nostalgia kicks in but that's okay.


Fortunately, there is still the voice of reason in my head, that is not poisoned by nostalgia and that knocks me out of the skies. It's telling me to go to bed every time I'm lost in thought. So, that's what I'm going to do now - Good night.

Quote of the night: "The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it." -Rafiki, the Lion King

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