Monday, 30 October 2017

Dear Diary 📖

According to today's society, I am weird. Yes, I guess it's true, but I love myself. I've recently been out with a couple of colleagues and realised how different I actually am compared to most people of my age.

I love Disney with all my heart. I always will. It's what makes me happy and what helps me everyday. I owe Walt so much and I will always be thankful for all the joy and happiness his company gave to me. I can't imagine how my life would be without Disney and I won't do it because it's part of me. Seeing my favourite characters warms my heart and makes me smile. Rapunzel, Mary Poppins, the princesses in general - thinking about them makes me grin like a Cheshire cat! My eyes get wet when thinking about Disneyland and the characters I've met there. I love them so much, I can't even express it in words.

I'm a hopeless romantic. Disney might have given me an unrealistic expectation of love but damn it, what's wrong in believing in true love and destiny? I don't want to do online dating or stuff like that because I strongly believe that love will find me one day. It might not be tomorrow, next month or next year but who cares? I'm only 21 years young and I have a long life in front of me! Who knows what will happen in the future? Nobody. No one can order me to stop dreaming. I know that many people who surround me are in relationships, planning their future but just because that's the case for them, doesn't mean that it has to be for me. I know what's good for me. Just because I didn't find my true love yet, doesn't mean that I will never find it. I'm aware that it will be complicated to find a girl who's just as obsessed with Disney as I am but I won't settle for less. I know that the right girl is waiting for me somewhere and someday, we'll find each other.

I don't like going out on the weekend, especially not at night. Compared to many people of my age, I don't drink and I don't go to clubs. I don't like being outside at night. It makes me feel uncomfortable, maybe because I watched too many crime series in my life and my scaredy-cat attitude but I don't see a problem with this. Some people like going out at night, some don't. That's just how it is. I enjoy watching shows and movies, surfing the Internet, laying down on the couch and taking naps, playing games and going to gym. Just because people have a different perception of how the perfect weekend looks like, doesn't mean that one of them is better than the other.

I'm a mum friend and I'm not going to change that. Every time someone starts growing on me, I start caring for them in a motherly way. I know that these people are old enough to care for themselves and I'm sorry for those who think that my attitude is annoying but I've thought about that and guess what? I have no reason to change. It shows that people mean something to me. I have emotions and I won't turn them off to please someone. People have to accept me the way I am or not. It's my own problem when I take things to heart too easily but I'm the one who has to deal with that.

I have so many weird odds. I wear pastel pink everyday because it makes me happy. I like being the girly little gay girl. I have weird eating habits and don't like vegetables or fast food. I spend all my money on merchandise. I detest children and will never ever have some. I still kiss my parents goodnight. I start crying so easily. I feel overtaxed when it comes to Social Media.
My goal in life is to see all Disney parks in the world and to live in a cute pastel apartment filled with Disney merchandise with a cute girlfriend and a Golden Retriever named Pongo and to own the first Rapunzel limited edition doll the Disney Store released.

The thing is - I know that I'm not the average 21-years-old-girl but that's totally okay. I've met wonderful people in my life and they told me many times that I should never change because they love me the way I am. I am so grateful that I found these people and that they always continue to support me. I really, really love you guys. ♥

So, what I want to say with all of this, just because society thinks you're strange, it doesn't mean that you have to change. People are different. We don't need to figure it out, we just need to respect it. People need to understand this. Never feel bad for what you are because you are awesome.

Quote of the day: "I guess I'll have to face that in this awful place, I shouldn't show a trace of doubt.
But pulled against the grain I feel a little pain, that I would rather do without. I'd rather be free from here.
" - Rebecca Sugar

Sunday, 15 October 2017

Quick life update 🌈

It's been a long time since I wrote something here and it's 1:46 AM right now, but sometimes, you just feel the need of writing in the middle of the night.

I remember in the beginning of this year, I was dealing with my depression and the world seemed like a dark place without hope. I was dealing with it for over a year but I think I can finally say, I'm myself again and I'm fucking proud of me. There are so many things I achieved in these few months. I kicked my demons in their ass, went to Disneyland Paris and had literally the best time, cut toxic people out of my life, after years of insecurity and self doubts, I finally outed myself as a lesbian and started the best apprenticeship I could have ever wished for. I'm living my life, having fun and have people around me who support and love me. I also gained a lot of confidence and my thanatophobia got so much better that I can finally enjoy my life again like I'm supposed to.
I'm so thankful for everyone and everything that helped me in this hard time of my life. The future is bright and I'm positive that someday, I will find it, the rainbow connection. ♡ (Also rainbow because I'm gay, get it? Hahaha sorry)

Quote of the day: Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers and me. -Kermit

Wednesday, 8 March 2017

My favourite things ♫

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favourite things"
A few days ago I watched The Sound of Music for the first time and I have to say, it might be my new favourite non-Disney movie!  I'm currently listening to the soundtrack all day long on repeat and can't wait to get the DVD. Julie Andrews is one of my favourite actresses ever and as expected, she touches my heart as Maria von Trapp. So, today I'd like to make a list of very own favourite things.

"When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don't feel so bad!"
So, what are these things? Let's take a look.

A have a very strong and deep bond with my family, so of course, I think of them when I'm sad. I love them more than anything else in this world and I'm very grateful to have them. My family has always been by my side and they will always support and help me, no matter what happens. They give me strength and with their help, I can get through everything.
So it's no wonder that I feel better when I think of them. ♥

Another thing I think of is Disney, who knew, right? It may sound cheesy, but Disney always cheers me up. There are some movies that help me forget my worries and are very important to me. It's hard to put it into words why Disney has such an impact on me, it's just how it is. The movies have the ability to take me to another world, a better word, a world full of magic, where goodness will always win in the end.

Even though I already talked about Disney, there are three movies that are the most important to me and that I have to mention separately. 
First of all, there is Tangled. From the moment it came out, I fell in love with it. I connect with the story of Tangled on an emotional level. Seeing Rapunzel being captured in a tower her whole life and looking out the window, dreaming of the lanterns, feels so familiar to me. I love my home but just like Rapunzel, I wonder when will my life begin. After Flynn finds his way in her life, everything changes so fast and that's what gives me hope. Rapunzel gives me the strength to believe in my dreams and to hold on because someday, everything will turn out good. She will always be my favourite princess and cheer me up even in the darkest times. Even though Rapunzel is not real, she is like a sister to me.

The next movie I want to mention is Mary Poppins. I actually saw the movie for the first time a few years ago, so I didn't grow up with her unlike many children did. I don't know why, but I always loved movies and TV shows with nannies in it. It's just how it is. And when I saw Mary Poppins, I instantly loved her. There could not have been any better actress than Julie Andrews playing her. She is practically perfect in every way. The soundtrack is my favourite out of all Disney movies and the Sherman brothers did an amazing job! All in all, the movie has everything a good movie needs. The music, the story, the casting and scenery are perfect. I also have all the books and I highly recommend reading them and watching "Saving Mr. Banks", which is also one of my favourite movies.

The last movies I want to mention are Cinderella (1950) and the Cinderella live action movie (2015). There is so much that I love about these movies but I try to keep it short. To all people saying Cinderella is weak, passive and "only waiting for a prince to save her", please shut up and leave my page, because I'm sick of these arguments. For me, Cinderella is the image of a strong, warmhearted and powerful woman. Even though her stepmother Lady Tremaine and her stepsisters Anastasia and Drizella treat her like she's worthless (I would even describe it as mental abuse), she stays strong, polite and most importantly, she doesn't stop dreaming.

My other favourite Disney movies are Frozen, Zootopia, Lilo & Stitch, Brave, Moana, Ratatouille and Enchanted but talking about all of them would take too much time.

So, another favourite thing of mine is, of course, Disneyland Paris and other Disney Parks. Until today, I've only been to Disneyland Paris but my parents and me are planning to go to Disney World in 2018 or 2019. Disneyland Paris is my happy place and I love everything about it. It's the place where all your dreams can come true. If you'd like to read more about that, then you can read my account of journey from my summer trip 2016.

And the last of my favourite things is Christmas! After all it's the most wonderful time of the year and my favourite holiday since I can remember. I love the atmosphere during Advent and how everything is sparkly, joyful and wintery. Christmas songs everywhere, kitschy movies on TV, the smell of cookies and gingerbread is in the air and toys in every stores, is there anything better?! I don't think so!

So, these are a few of my favourite things. I hope you enjoyed reading it and have a lovely day.

Quote of the Day: "I want something that I want, something that I tell myself I need and I need everything I see." -Tangled

Saturday, 18 February 2017

Nightly rambles ☆

It's 1:13 AM and I somehow feel the need to write something down. The beginning of the year wasn't very easy to me and 2017 doesn't seem like a promising year either. There will be many difficulties I have to face - starting an apprenticeship, learning things on my own and most importantly, finding my own way. To be honest, at this point of my life, I have no idea where I'm going or what to expect. I've never been a person who thinks a lot about the future (except planning Disney trips). Whenever I think about the future, I feel stressed. It's just not a topic I want to talk or think about. When I was in the last grade in Elementary school, the children in my class were talking about the Secondary schools they wanted to go to. I didn't care. My parents decided to which school I should go, of course, they asked me, but I was happy that I didn't have to make this choice. In 10th class of Realschule (the graduation class) I had the chance to start an apprenticeship or go to another school, but no, I just stayed where I was and did my Abitur. While everyone was going crazy, deciding what to do after school, I always tried to avoid this topic. I hated the student information days and ignored all of these job masses. Until today, almost 10 months after I graduated, I still have the same point of view. Of course, I had to think about what I want to do for the rest of my life. As much as I'd like to, I can't escape from reality. I will have to face my insecurities this year and will try to handle them as good as I can. Have courage and be kind. This might be my motto this year. Even though I'm afraid, I have to believe that I can do this.


Quote of the day: You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. -A.A. Milne