Monday, 30 October 2017

Dear Diary 📖

According to today's society, I am weird. Yes, I guess it's true, but I love myself. I've recently been out with a couple of colleagues and realised how different I actually am compared to most people of my age.

I love Disney with all my heart. I always will. It's what makes me happy and what helps me everyday. I owe Walt so much and I will always be thankful for all the joy and happiness his company gave to me. I can't imagine how my life would be without Disney and I won't do it because it's part of me. Seeing my favourite characters warms my heart and makes me smile. Rapunzel, Mary Poppins, the princesses in general - thinking about them makes me grin like a Cheshire cat! My eyes get wet when thinking about Disneyland and the characters I've met there. I love them so much, I can't even express it in words.

I'm a hopeless romantic. Disney might have given me an unrealistic expectation of love but damn it, what's wrong in believing in true love and destiny? I don't want to do online dating or stuff like that because I strongly believe that love will find me one day. It might not be tomorrow, next month or next year but who cares? I'm only 21 years young and I have a long life in front of me! Who knows what will happen in the future? Nobody. No one can order me to stop dreaming. I know that many people who surround me are in relationships, planning their future but just because that's the case for them, doesn't mean that it has to be for me. I know what's good for me. Just because I didn't find my true love yet, doesn't mean that I will never find it. I'm aware that it will be complicated to find a girl who's just as obsessed with Disney as I am but I won't settle for less. I know that the right girl is waiting for me somewhere and someday, we'll find each other.

I don't like going out on the weekend, especially not at night. Compared to many people of my age, I don't drink and I don't go to clubs. I don't like being outside at night. It makes me feel uncomfortable, maybe because I watched too many crime series in my life and my scaredy-cat attitude but I don't see a problem with this. Some people like going out at night, some don't. That's just how it is. I enjoy watching shows and movies, surfing the Internet, laying down on the couch and taking naps, playing games and going to gym. Just because people have a different perception of how the perfect weekend looks like, doesn't mean that one of them is better than the other.

I'm a mum friend and I'm not going to change that. Every time someone starts growing on me, I start caring for them in a motherly way. I know that these people are old enough to care for themselves and I'm sorry for those who think that my attitude is annoying but I've thought about that and guess what? I have no reason to change. It shows that people mean something to me. I have emotions and I won't turn them off to please someone. People have to accept me the way I am or not. It's my own problem when I take things to heart too easily but I'm the one who has to deal with that.

I have so many weird odds. I wear pastel pink everyday because it makes me happy. I like being the girly little gay girl. I have weird eating habits and don't like vegetables or fast food. I spend all my money on merchandise. I detest children and will never ever have some. I still kiss my parents goodnight. I start crying so easily. I feel overtaxed when it comes to Social Media.
My goal in life is to see all Disney parks in the world and to live in a cute pastel apartment filled with Disney merchandise with a cute girlfriend and a Golden Retriever named Pongo and to own the first Rapunzel limited edition doll the Disney Store released.

The thing is - I know that I'm not the average 21-years-old-girl but that's totally okay. I've met wonderful people in my life and they told me many times that I should never change because they love me the way I am. I am so grateful that I found these people and that they always continue to support me. I really, really love you guys. ♥

So, what I want to say with all of this, just because society thinks you're strange, it doesn't mean that you have to change. People are different. We don't need to figure it out, we just need to respect it. People need to understand this. Never feel bad for what you are because you are awesome.

Quote of the day: "I guess I'll have to face that in this awful place, I shouldn't show a trace of doubt.
But pulled against the grain I feel a little pain, that I would rather do without. I'd rather be free from here.
" - Rebecca Sugar

Sunday, 15 October 2017

Quick life update 🌈

It's been a long time since I wrote something here and it's 1:46 AM right now, but sometimes, you just feel the need of writing in the middle of the night.

I remember in the beginning of this year, I was dealing with my depression and the world seemed like a dark place without hope. I was dealing with it for over a year but I think I can finally say, I'm myself again and I'm fucking proud of me. There are so many things I achieved in these few months. I kicked my demons in their ass, went to Disneyland Paris and had literally the best time, cut toxic people out of my life, after years of insecurity and self doubts, I finally outed myself as a lesbian and started the best apprenticeship I could have ever wished for. I'm living my life, having fun and have people around me who support and love me. I also gained a lot of confidence and my thanatophobia got so much better that I can finally enjoy my life again like I'm supposed to.
I'm so thankful for everyone and everything that helped me in this hard time of my life. The future is bright and I'm positive that someday, I will find it, the rainbow connection. ♡ (Also rainbow because I'm gay, get it? Hahaha sorry)

Quote of the day: Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers and me. -Kermit

Saturday, 25 March 2017

My confession

As you probably know, I'm a massive Tangled fan. It has been my favourite movie since it came out and I still love it with all my heart. When the news came out that it will have a TV show, I was beyond excited and had high hopes for it. To be honest, I already was a little bit disappointed when I saw the art style but it grew on me and now I really like it. I also liked the idea of getting to know Rapunzel's parents and of course the new character Cassandra. As my name is Sandra and next to Sani, my other nickname is actually Cassandra so I felt very blessed because of that. So on the 10th March I searched a live stream for the US Disney Channel and waited for my favourite characters to return. And.. I  tried my best. I told myself that I HAVE to love it as it's Tangled and I should be grateful that it gets an own series but... I don't. I said to myself that I will get used to the new story. And yes, Before Ever After was just the first episode of the show but I don't think that I will continue watching it. The thing is, I don't want to destroy my image of my favourite movie. I can't deal with the new plot, I'm so sorry but that's the way it is. I lied to myself and to other people who asked me what I think of it, it might not be a big deal for some but for me, it truly is. Please be aware that the following content will be full of spoilers so please stop reading if you haven't watched it and don't want to know what will happen.

So, my biggest problem is Rapunzel's dad. In the original movie, he seems to be the most loving and caring creature in the universe. Even though he lost Rapunzel when she still was a baby, he loves her with all his heart, misses her and cries before they release the lanterns. He doesn't have much screen time but when you see him, it's clear that he would do everything to protect his loved ones.
In the series, it's quite the reverse. He only cares for Rapunzel becoming a good queen one day, is embarrassed by her behaviour, seems to be cold and strict as well as overprotective, in a bad way. He
actually locks Rapunzel up in the castle and is not allowed to live her life "outside" the tower and I think this is the worst. I don't recognise the king from the movie at all in the series.

Then there is Rapunzel's attitude. She's not like the Rapunzel I'm used to. In the movie, we see her as a smart, creative, dreamy and adventurous girl. I have the feeling that in the TV show, they reduced all these personality traits to "adventurous". As if she was already bored by the life in the kingdom. The first 18 years of her life, she was locked in the tower, doing the same things every day, wondring when will her life begin. In the kingdom, she has plenty of things to discover and get to know the people of Corona, but instead, she wants to know what's behind the walls of the kingdom. I'm pretty sure that the "movie king" would not have locked her up in the castle, he would just wanted her to be happy. Which I find horrible as well is that she is kind of distant towards Eugene and only does what Cassandra wants her to do. In the movie, Punzie is a determined girl and this trait gets lost in the show, which leads me to the next point...

Cassandra. As I already mentioned, I was very excited for her but she actually annoys me so much. I hate how she is trying to get between Rapunzel and Eugene like a thorn. Rapunzel's and Eugene's relationship has always been the cutest, best and healthiest relationship in the whole Disney universe to me but in the show, Cassandra makes Rapunzel lie to him for no reason and Rapunzel trusts her more than she trusts him which makes me cringe! Eugene is the reason why Rapunzel left the tower, fulfilled her dream, escaped from Mother Gothel and came back to her parents where she can live a happily ever after. I understand that Cassandra is the daughter of the guard and Eugene was a thief so their relationship is a little bit difficult BUT Eugene has done so many good things for and TOGETHER with Rapunzel while Cassandra is the reason that Rapunzel is in trouble. I also have no idea why Rapunzel would trust her more than Eugene or why she wouldn't tell him about her problems.

And last but not least, I'm disappointed in Eugene's character. Just as Rapunzel, he's not like I'm used it from the movie. Every time when he appears in the show, he is shown to be humorous or caring and I love those traits of him, but he seems like a figure of fun. In Tangled, he and Rapunzel are the perfect team but in the series, they actually don't even spend much time together. I know, I know, it was just the beginning of the show but I'm writing this all after seeing a clip from an upcoming episode which disappoints me SO MUCH.

All in all, I think I won't continue watching it. As I said before, Tangled means so much to me and I don't want to destroy my image of the movie. It would be too heartbreaking for me. I feel guilty towards Rapunzel and maybe some will think that I'm not such a big fan if I won't watch it but honestly, I don't care. Though I will still listen to the new music or buy merchandise as it's "just" the story that bothers me. Maybe I will change my mind in the future but for the moment, this is how I feel.

By the way, it seems like I'm most productive after midnight when it comes to writing. 

Quote of the Day: "I've got my mother's love, I shouldn't ask for more. I've got so many things, I should be thankful for. Yes, I have everything - Except, I guess, a door. Perhaps it's better that I stay in? But tell me, when will my life begin?" -Rapunzel

Wednesday, 8 March 2017

My favourite things ♫

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favourite things"
A few days ago I watched The Sound of Music for the first time and I have to say, it might be my new favourite non-Disney movie!  I'm currently listening to the soundtrack all day long on repeat and can't wait to get the DVD. Julie Andrews is one of my favourite actresses ever and as expected, she touches my heart as Maria von Trapp. So, today I'd like to make a list of very own favourite things.

"When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don't feel so bad!"
So, what are these things? Let's take a look.

A have a very strong and deep bond with my family, so of course, I think of them when I'm sad. I love them more than anything else in this world and I'm very grateful to have them. My family has always been by my side and they will always support and help me, no matter what happens. They give me strength and with their help, I can get through everything.
So it's no wonder that I feel better when I think of them. ♥

Another thing I think of is Disney, who knew, right? It may sound cheesy, but Disney always cheers me up. There are some movies that help me forget my worries and are very important to me. It's hard to put it into words why Disney has such an impact on me, it's just how it is. The movies have the ability to take me to another world, a better word, a world full of magic, where goodness will always win in the end.

Even though I already talked about Disney, there are three movies that are the most important to me and that I have to mention separately. 
First of all, there is Tangled. From the moment it came out, I fell in love with it. I connect with the story of Tangled on an emotional level. Seeing Rapunzel being captured in a tower her whole life and looking out the window, dreaming of the lanterns, feels so familiar to me. I love my home but just like Rapunzel, I wonder when will my life begin. After Flynn finds his way in her life, everything changes so fast and that's what gives me hope. Rapunzel gives me the strength to believe in my dreams and to hold on because someday, everything will turn out good. She will always be my favourite princess and cheer me up even in the darkest times. Even though Rapunzel is not real, she is like a sister to me.

The next movie I want to mention is Mary Poppins. I actually saw the movie for the first time a few years ago, so I didn't grow up with her unlike many children did. I don't know why, but I always loved movies and TV shows with nannies in it. It's just how it is. And when I saw Mary Poppins, I instantly loved her. There could not have been any better actress than Julie Andrews playing her. She is practically perfect in every way. The soundtrack is my favourite out of all Disney movies and the Sherman brothers did an amazing job! All in all, the movie has everything a good movie needs. The music, the story, the casting and scenery are perfect. I also have all the books and I highly recommend reading them and watching "Saving Mr. Banks", which is also one of my favourite movies.

The last movies I want to mention are Cinderella (1950) and the Cinderella live action movie (2015). There is so much that I love about these movies but I try to keep it short. To all people saying Cinderella is weak, passive and "only waiting for a prince to save her", please shut up and leave my page, because I'm sick of these arguments. For me, Cinderella is the image of a strong, warmhearted and powerful woman. Even though her stepmother Lady Tremaine and her stepsisters Anastasia and Drizella treat her like she's worthless (I would even describe it as mental abuse), she stays strong, polite and most importantly, she doesn't stop dreaming.

My other favourite Disney movies are Frozen, Zootopia, Lilo & Stitch, Brave, Moana, Ratatouille and Enchanted but talking about all of them would take too much time.

So, another favourite thing of mine is, of course, Disneyland Paris and other Disney Parks. Until today, I've only been to Disneyland Paris but my parents and me are planning to go to Disney World in 2018 or 2019. Disneyland Paris is my happy place and I love everything about it. It's the place where all your dreams can come true. If you'd like to read more about that, then you can read my account of journey from my summer trip 2016.

And the last of my favourite things is Christmas! After all it's the most wonderful time of the year and my favourite holiday since I can remember. I love the atmosphere during Advent and how everything is sparkly, joyful and wintery. Christmas songs everywhere, kitschy movies on TV, the smell of cookies and gingerbread is in the air and toys in every stores, is there anything better?! I don't think so!

So, these are a few of my favourite things. I hope you enjoyed reading it and have a lovely day.

Quote of the Day: "I want something that I want, something that I tell myself I need and I need everything I see." -Tangled